


this house is a circus

by wearealltalesintheend



Series: Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Bonding, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, diego is done, i dont know sometime after the apocalypse is averted, the buddy system surprisingly doesnt work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearealltalesintheend/pseuds/wearealltalesintheend
Summary: When Diego spots Vanya wandering around the popcorn stand, the relief that washes over him is overwhelming.“We have a problem,” she says as soon as he’s in hearing range.A grimace. “So you heard Five’s bitching too?”The way she blinks, making a face, tells Diego that no, she did not. “What?”“Okay,” he sighs, “we have two problems.”.or, the one where the Hargreeves decide to visit an Amusement Park and it goes about as well as expected.





	this house is a circus

When Diego spots Vanya wandering around the popcorn stand, the relief that washes over him is overwhelming. 

 

“We have a problem,” she says as soon as he’s in hearing range.

 

A grimace. “So you heard Five’s bitching too?”

 

The way she blinks, making a face, tells Diego that  _ no, she did not.  _ “What?”

 

“Okay,” he sighs, “we have  _ two  _ problems.”

 

“What’s yours?” Vanya asks cautiously, like she’s afraid she might regret asking.

 

“They don’t want to let Five ride the roller coaster and he’s been yelling for ten minutes now. I just talked them out of kicking us out but it’s only a matter of time, really. You?”

 

“I lost Klaus in the House of Mirrors half an hour ago.”

 

A minute passes. They exchange a look. “Wanna switch?” Diego suggests.

 

Vanya smiles, relieved. “Yes, please.”

 

*

 

It starts when Klaus says he wants to go to Disneyland.

 

Everyone is predictably too lazy to think about a cross-country flight, and when pressed over why he’s being a stubborn little shit about it, Klaus caves and says Ben really wanted to go.

 

And so, because everyone is predictably too guilty and too awkward, they all compromise and decide on the Amusement Park outside town. 

 

It’s– 

 

Look. Diego had honestly been expecting worse, but at least he passed Allison and Luther five minutes ago and they had been spinning sensibly in a teacup, so you know. That’s two he doesn’t have to worry about.

 

Vanya is now in charge of wrangling Five into some semblance of order, and Diego supposes finding Klaus shouldn’t be too difficult. It’s not  _ that  _ big of a park.

 

Right?

 

*

 

Okay, Diego was a fucking fool. He should not have swapped Sibling Duty with Vanya and this is his punishment.

 

So far, he’s been to the Carousel, the Roller Coaster, the House of Mirrors– just in case– and the Popcorn Stand again because this place is a goddamn maze.

 

When he finds him, Diego is going to  _ kill  _ Klaus.

 

There are small children everywhere and the summer heat isn’t exactly helping his mood, even after he buys himself some overpriced ice cream. Look at him. He could be spinning sensibly in a teacup like Allison and Luther. A different, very far from them, teacup, but still.

 

Diego squints, watching a crowd of teenagers rushing out of the Haunted Tunnel, laughing way too shakily for a cheap place like this. A sliver of hope is kindled. If something weird is going on, Klaus is bound to be in the middle.

 

“Hey,” Diego calls, trying to sound less like a security guard and failing, “is that ride any good?”

 

One of the teenagers, a giggly blonde giggles and clutches her friend’s arm. “Yeah, it’s so spooky! I mean, don’t get me wrong, the makeup is definitely lame,” she shares a mean laugh with her friends, “but the blue ghost at the end was  _ so  _ realistic!”

 

Her little pals echo her words like mindless gazelles and Diego is done with the conversation. He already learned all he could from this and his teenager-talk limit has been reached two sentences ago.  _ Blue ghost,  _ right. And they thought Ben was the sensible one.

 

The Haunted Tunnel is, in fact, lame. It tries to mimic an abandoned mine but the rocks are so obviously fake even in the low light, and the supposedly dead miners have the worst fake blood Diego has ever seen. Ketchup would have looked better. He brushes past them, earning little more than a scowl and a shrug, pushing annoying tourists out of his way.

 

He finds Klaus hiding behind a fake boulder, giggling and whispering at nothing. This is why they don’t have Family Holidays. Diego walks up to him, smacking the back of his head. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

“Diego?” He pouts, giving him an offended look before something at his left catches his attention and he grins, “okay, hold that thought. People incoming, okay, showtime.”

 

True enough, another group of teenagers turn a corner, laughing and clutching at each other, and Klaus squints, concentrating a ridiculous amount for the middle of a stupid park ride. His hands glow blue and suddenly Ben is faintly there, a shadow of a silhouette phasing through the wall and scaring the shit out of the teenagers.

 

“Ben?” Diego can’t help whispering, and Ben turns to him, smiling cheerily like he used to when they were playing hide and seek on the Academy and somehow Ben always won. “Looking good,” he says, and it mostly doesn’t sound choking.

 

Klaus pats his shoulder in what Diego supposes is his version of being comforting, and Ben waves before fading away again. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. Anyway. Diego was angry, he should get back to that. “Seriously?  _ This  _ is what you’ve been up to?”

 

“Hey, this is basically training,” Klaus insists, leaning against the boulder like this is completely normal, “if anything, you should be congratulating me. I made real progress today.”

 

“By scaring dumb teenagers?”

 

“By making this less lame!” He gestures around the place, “I didn’t wanna come in here first, because you know– enough ghosts for a lifetime here– but then I saw those guys and  _ man,  _ it’s bad. They really don’t know what blood looks like and frankly, that’s worrying.”

 

_ “Vanya _ was worried, you disappeared on her. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

 

At that, he does have the decency to look guilty. “Yeah, I didn’t mean to. We got separated in the House of Mirrors and when I found the exit, she was gone. I figured she got tired of waiting and left.”

 

“So you decided to come here.”

 

“No, first I bought a giant cotton candy.  _ Then,  _ I saw the fake miners and Ben had the idea of scaring clueless tourists. It’s been a busy day.”

 

“Unbelievable. Both of you. Let’s go,” Diego huffs, dragging him away from the path and towards the badly lit exit before another group came through. “We need to find the others before–”

 

“By others, I’m guessing you mean them?” Klaus points at Vanya, Five, Luther, and Allison hurrying in their direction, an angry security guard glaring at their backs. 

 

Five reaches them first, scowling and barely giving them time to follow him, “we need to go.  _ Now.” _

 

“What? Why?” Diego looks between him and Vanya, who’s right behind with a giant cotton candy cloud in her hand. “What did he do?”

 

“ _ I  _ didn’t do anything,” Five says, looking behind his shoulder to glare at Allison, “some _ one  _ got too competitive in the Bumper Cars and caused a massive pile-up.”

 

Allison grimaces apologetically. “It’s not my fault, the wires were kind of a mess to begin with.”

 

“And you were worried  _ I  _ was going to get us kicked out of here,” Klaus snickers, taking notice of Vanya’s ridiculously large candy. “Hey, I’ve got one of those too! Sorry for ditching you earlier, wanna share the chocolate bar some tourists dropped?”

 

Vanya looks at her cotton candy, then at Klaus, then at his half-melted chocolate bar. “Sure. Do you want to see if we can make chocolate-cotton candy sandwiches?”

 

“Absolutely. It will be like s’mores,” he grins, and Diego exchanged a horrified look with Luther in a rare moment of camaraderie.

 

The Amusement Park was probably not the best choice for a family trip, but Diego figures the result wouldn’t change much, no matter where they had decided on. Still, all in all, it wasn’t so bad.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> again, you can send me prompts or come cry about this dumb show at [my tumblr.](https://rad-hoodd.tumblr.com)


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